From those of you who read my previous rant about ‘One Night With My Ex’, you’ll already know that I was in a pretty abusive relationship. If you don’t, or haven’t read that rant, then I’ll give you a quick explanation: the guy would constantly feed my depression and anxiety, making me believe that I was the one who was in the wrong, even when I caught him cheating, messaging other girls, and creating ads for Craigslist to meet with other men for sex. He was manipulative and twisted everything I said and did. Then, towards the end of the relationship, he became violent.
So, not long after that rant about him and the new TV show, I received an unsettling message on my fanfiction account (keep in mind that it’s not at all attached to my real life and I keep the two separate, as I’m not ready for my family and friends to read my stories). I know that he knew of the account, but not the username. After his reaction to an extract of one of my stories, where he cruelly laughed and called it ridiculous, I couldn’t give him the username. All I’d asked was for his opinion of a specific sentence, as I wasn’t sure it read right and I came away contemplating giving up on writing, regardless of the thousands of views I get on each chapter.
I felt like my privacy had been invaded. Writing is my outlet. Some of the stories I post include parts of myself in them – either experiences, mannerisms or the entire story itself – and it’s why I’m so uncomfortable with people I know in real life reading them. I’m not ready for them to know such huge secrets. And when my depression is at its worst, or I’m having a particularly horrid day, that is when I write the most.
For someone to go through the trouble of tracking down my account (especially after I’d already blocked them on everything else), horrified me. But what they said in their private message made me ten times more uncomfortable.
“Hi, I understand what it means so do this but I don’t have much time anyway, what I did was pathetic, to be honest a lot of what I’v ever done is exactly that, I’m not going to waste your time so I’ll keep it short, I hope University goes amazingly for you, journalism won’t know what hit it”
This person not only knew my real name (the subject title was my initials) and my aspirations, but I think they were making a sad attempt of an apology. Their writing style is the same as my ex’s and I know for a fact that he doesn’t apologise to anyone (and if he does, then they’re half-assed, meaningless apologies).
I don’t know what to do. I can’t reply to the message, as the person has deactivated their private messaging feature not long after messaging me. I checked out the profile and it states that the person is from the UK and said profile was created on the 23rd – a day before the message.
I refuse to unblock him on social media, or his number. I’ll admit: he’s got my attention, if it’s him. But I’m not going to try and contact him to find out. This is his way of worming his way back into my life (he’s done it several times with his other ex) and I’m not going to let it happen.
I’m moving on with my life.